Get clear on your "Why" to ensure success
New challenges
I first heard about Crossfit about 8 years ago (seems like a lifetime ago) and decided to give it a try. I was (and still am if truth be told) pretty unfit and started in the beginners Fundementals class. I had to master the basic moves and exercises before I could progress to the actual WODs (Workout of the day classes).
It was so hard. I had never tried to do a snatch before (keep it clean buddy) and burpees were nearly the death of me.
Rope climbing, handstands and just simple, basic running were almost beyond me. I would end each class by lying on the floor gasping for breath and wondering what the hell I was doing this for, and why oh why was I fecking paying for it?
I could barely walk after most of the classes!
But I came back. With a smile on my face. The buzz I got at the end, knowing I had managed to finish the class was exhilarating.
I decided that I needed to focus on one discipline to get me through, something to keep me going and that would allow me to measure progress.
I decided on the handstand press-up. It’ll be easy I thought, it doesn’t look to hard I said.
What a stupid, naive newbie I was!
As well as getting better at all the basic moves, this was the one I wanted to be able to do the most.
This desire to do a handstand-press up was partly because I’m stubborn and some people didn’t think I’d be able to do it. It was also because I thought it was cool.
I still think it’s cool.
Seeing someone do one literally stops me in my tracks as I know the strength and control needed to perform it. Beautiful stuff.
Anyway, I practiced every single time I went to the Crossfit Box. I practised at home. I even did it at work in a meeting room and thankfully only got caught once.
Over the course of a few months, my strength improved and I inched closer to my goal. But progress was painfully slow.
Many times I almost threw in the towel and gave up. It was hard to learn, it really hurt when I fell on my head, and I was frustrated my body wasn’t getting stronger faster.
Why why why?
But every time I was about to quit, I reminded myself WHY I started in the first place.
I wanted to look better in my clothes. I wanted to be the girl that could do a handstand press-up. Be the one that could flip into a handstand in the park, messing around with her mates.
And these made me keep going.
I eventually managed to bash out one clunky, ugly handstand press-up and I remember calling my mum to tell her and actually crying with joy. I was so pleased with myself and what I had achieved. I was on top of the world.
This story is my way of saying that I discovered a few things that helped me to a) achieve my goal, and b) stay on track when the going got tough.
I want to share that with you today in case you might be in a similar situation (hitting your goals I mean, not trying to do a handstand press up).
Move Towards, not Away From
Any time I have ran away from something (a relationship, a job, a country or a career) it has felt dramatic, final and typically drained a lot of energy. Often it left me feeling exhausted and worn out emotionally and sometimes physically too.
On the flip side, when I have tried to accomplish something new, learning something just because I wanted to, pursue a job I love the look of, it has given me energy, drive and a sense of pride as I inch closer to my goal.
This is because I was focusing on something positive and rewarding, rather than running from something unpleasant or painful.
Moving Toward rather than Away From opens our minds to new ways of living and broadening our horizons. Moving Away From is about escaping something we don’t like, closing doors and making our world a little smaller.
Re-frame
Take a little time to look how you frame your goal and think about how to reframe it so that you are moving towards something positive, rather than away from something unpleasant.
In my example above, one of my Whys for wanting to smash handstand press-ups was because I wanted to look better in my clothes.
I wasn’t thinking “I look like shit and feel ugly”, I thought “I want to look better”.
I wasn’t tearing myself apart over how I looked, I was simply moving towards a better version.
Be honest about your Why. It’ll get you through the tough times
We often set goals and, rightly, try to link them to the reason we want to achieve them to use as motivation. This is great. Having a powerful motivation is vital for helping us stick to our goals, especially when it gets hard.
But I think a lot of us aren’t honest with ourselves about what our true motivation is because it can make us uncomfortable.
Being really honest with yourself about your Why helps you get through the tough times, when you’ve run out of steam, and need to find a reason to hang on in there.
This happened to me when I was trying to do the handstand press-up. I started telling myself that I wanted to do it because of my health. Or because being strong was what a woman should be.
But, while those are true, they weren’t my main motivation. Deep down, I wanted to do it to be different. I wanted to be the girl that bashed out a handstand press-up when no one expected it of me.
I wanted the shock factor.
That idea gave me such a thrill, made me excited and spurred me on to keep going.
Realising this also changed my motivation from Moving Away (from bad health) to Moving Toward (surprising people, making me feel special).
This simple switch to being honest about why I was trying to achieve my goal changed everything. I tried harder, I had a more positive outlook and ultimately I pushed myself even harder with a smile on my face.
What’s your real Why? You don’t have to tell anyone else, but you gotta be honest with yourself!
Don’t overlook the skills you learn along the way
One of the great rewards that comes from setting a goal for yourself and learning something new are the fringe benefits it brings.
I think it’s impossible to learn one new skill in isolation. Fitting in a new hobby, course, class or side hustle into your already busy life is going to involve a lot of time management, negotiation, monetary investment and sacrifice of some kind.
You’ll improve your negotiating skills, your budgeting skills and be forced to assess your life and make sure that you have the time and support you need to pursue your goals.
This is big stuff!
Had you not set a new goal, you may have continued sleepwalking through your life and going with the flow.
Actively deciding to set a new goal is an opportunity to re-assess things and make sure you’re living the life you want.
Without doubt I got better at managing my time, as I had to fit in practise around my job and social life.
I had to make choices about whether to go out drinking with friends on Friday night after work or head home, eat well and get up super early Saturday for a Crossfit class.
I had to change my spending habits as I had to find the money for the monthly gym membership, workout clothes and extra travel I was doing. I wasn’t good at managing money, so this was tough for me.
I really didn’t like the sacrifices I had to make, but the reward outweighed that sacrifice for
me at that point.
There are important personality traits that are enhanced when we focus on reaching a new goal.
Developing grit, perseverance, endurance and laser-like focus are just some of the deeply powerful characteristics we enhance when we
put our mind to something.
All goals come with added benefits.
It’s up to us to notice them and appreciate the changes we are making.
Sometimes they are actually more powerful, long lasting changes than the original goal.
Failure is not the end the road
It’s worth noting that just because we set ourselves a goal, there is no guarantee we will achieve it.
We can put all the effort in, and still fall short.
Sometimes it’s because we didn’t give the goal enough time, sometimes life just gets in the way and derails you.
This is not the end of the world (even though it may feel like it at the time).
Not hitting your goal doesn’t mean you are a failure. You will have learned so much along the way, gained skills you didn’t have at the beginning of your journey, perhaps met new friends along the way.
None of that is small stuff.
It’s all ammunition in your back pocket for the next challenge you set yourself. Your job when you fail is to look objectively at the situation and figure out what went wrong. Be honest with yourself.
Was it because you didn’t dedicate enough time? Next time you set a goal you’ll have a better idea of how much time you need to set aside to succeed.
Maybe you didn’t actually want it badly enough after all. The next time you set out on a new goal, you’ll be able to feel if it’s powerful enough to spur you on, or if it’s just a passing fad.
There is always something good that comes from failure, you just have to find it.
A massive lesson for me when I’ve failed at something is learning that it really wasn’t a big deal to anyone but me. I thought everyone would judge me, look at me as a failure.
But people either didn’t really care and just wanted me to be happy, or they didn’t even notice.
It’s a cliché, but life is a journey. It’s about learning and exploration, and failure comes with the territory.
And the good things is, the more you fail, the quicker you’ll dust yourself off and come back even stronger.
Let's wrap up this bad boy!
So folks, thanks for bearing with me on this one. To sum up my thoughts on this topic, I think the following practices are key to staying aligned with our goals and not giving up at the first, second or even third hurdle:
1. Move towards something positive, instead of running away from what you don’t want
2. Re-frame your goals to make a positive impact
3. Get crystal clear about your Why
4. Appreciate the added benefits along the way
5. You failed? Who the fuck cares, you became a better human just by trying! You’ll do better next time if you follow the 4 rules above.
What have you learned from goal setting? How do you ensure you succeed when you set out on a new path? Share your thoughts below.
For now, take care
Gemma
